June 30, 2019
This is a difficult blog for me to write, but according to a friend also good for me.
In May, I had to admit to myself I was no longer capable of giving my husband, George, the nursing care he requires. I arranged for him to go into a senior’s residence which has 24 hour nursing care. He is at a new place called The Hamlets of Red Deer, located in Gasoline Alley, just on the outskirts of Red Deer. He is in a Unit with other people with dementia. Most in worse condition than he is. Other than getting better nursing care, it is my hope that he will be happier with more stimulating company than he gets at home.
He is aware that he cannot come home again and it disturbs him as much as it does me. Understanding why is hard for him to take in, and every day I repeat the reasons why it is better for him to be there and not at home. Only one who has dealt with a husband, wife or close relative with dementia will really understand the thoughts which are prone to keep one awake. Part relief that he is in care, hating what has happened to him, while being daily accosted with all the love and memories of better times, and guilt that he is there and I am here. And the questions: Did I do enough? Can I do more?
In the last four weeks, I have visited him every day, wondering if he is needing anything, worrying that he is unhappy, while at the same time grateful for the wonderful medical care he is receiving. I would not wish these conflicting emotions on anyone.
To make matters more complicated, I am not satisfied with the Unit that George has been placed in. I see the other residents as being worse in their dementia than George is. So the last week I have been asking the administration to move him to another unit with the same nursing attention, but with residents who are a better fit for his mental state. It is a complication I can do without, and causing me a lot of anguish. George is a shy person, and moving him to another unit will cause him to push through another period of getting used to a new place. The only saving grace is the same staff alternate in each unit, so he will see some familiar faces.
So that is the latest update from the front lines. As for writing, the research and plotting for the next mystery has been put on hold for a month. My mind gets the urge to write, but somehow make excuses to myself and avoid the actual work. I am sure that as time passes, George will find new friends and companionship making me a lot calmer and happier.
I am also doing maintenance things around the house getting it ready to list for sale. It is too large for one person, and although I hate to leave it, the time has come.
In the meantime, Perpetual Check is in the Advanced Review Stage, and will be out for sale on September 19, 2019. The Plot Summary: Canadian Dani Morden reluctantly accompanies her Aunt Lucy on a tour of England in 1984. Anticipating boredom, she instead finds herself involved in the murder of a woman who had the bad grace to die in their hotel room. Convinced by her Aunt to take on the woman’s mission and deliver a package to Oxford, Dani must outsmart a cold-hearted corporate criminal and his hired killers, a member of MI5, and others driven to greed and hatred by Cold War politics. The challenge is, she doesn’t know if the people around her are enemies or allies.
Thanks to all my website friends. Until next time.